Donut Pants to Go With My Muffin Top

Now that Scout weighs 13 pounds, I discovered carrying Scout in one arm and holding up my maternity pants with the other would soon no longer be feasible.

With 15 pregnancy pounds still lingering, mostly in my hips and thighs, I went shopping for new clothes.

I just came home with jeans and shorts, but I’m considering going back for these doughnut pants.

Pants

Not feeling the doughnuts? There were cheeseburger pants as well.

Please tell me you’ve seen someone wearing these or something similar.


Grocery List: Condoms and M&Ms

On Sunday Scout’s Grammy watched her while Kiefer and I went on a date. Our date was from 4-7. (Yes, we were back at 6:40, and I only checked my phone twice to see if there was a call or text.)

We grabbed some frozen yogurt and drinks and appetizers—Yes, in that order—and on our way home, we stopped by CVS for baby sunblock and…supplies.

past

At the 6-week postpartum appointment, I was given the “green light” to resume…activities.

While we were in the Family Planning aisle, I said this:

Thoughtsy: I dare you to tell the cashier “It’s date night.” Better yet, because we’re buying condoms and baby sunblock, tell her, “We learned from our past mistakes.”

Then, while waiting in line, we saw Birthday Cake M&Ms and the new huge M&Ms, and I said:

giant

“Feel these M&Ms! They’re huge!”

What’s the weirdest combination of items you’ve ever bought?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “8 hours in a row??? No wonder her adorable little face looks so peaceful. Condolences to your boobs.”—Pegoleg


Never Wake a Sleeping Baby

At night, Scout likes to sleep, but she wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat. She’s been that way since we brought her home from the hospital…until about a week and a half ago.

7:55 PM: Scout goes to bed.

8:12 PM: Scout wakes up.

8:30 PM: Scout goes to bed again.

8:36 PM: I go to bed.

11:54 PM: I wake up and wonder why Scout isn’t up.

11:58 PM: Wonder if she’s still breathing.

11: 59 PM: Scout makes a noise. I figure she’ll wake up in the next 30 minutes.

2:27 AM: Wake up and realize Scout has been asleep for 6 hours straight! Jump out of bed to see if she’s breathing…she is.
image

2:31 AM: I realize my boobs are about to explode. I contemplate waking her up, but decide to pump instead.

2:40 AM: Pump only a little because I’m sure she’ll wake any second.

3:37 AM: Nudge Kiefer “accidentally,” and say, “Oh, good! You’re awake.Go check Scout. She’s been asleep for 7 hours and it’s freaking me out.”

3:38 AM: He checks and confirms she’s fine.

4:19 AM: Calm down enough to start to drift off.

4:27 AM: Scout wakes up after 8 hours of sleep in a row.

And that’s why I always get less sleep than Scout.


I Love Daddy…But I Love Mommy More

This was the very first outfit Scout received. My friend gave it to us. My friend. And what does it say?

I love Daddy.

WTF.

Flower

The only reason I dressed her in it is because I felt guilty that Kiefer had to change a particularly nasty diaper.

Then I realized that I pushed her out. I’m the one with stitches down under. All he did was change a really nasty dirty diaper.

That’s when I added the flower…which he hates.

I win.


Phew! My Baby Is Not Actually a Large Chipmunk

During our last specialist appointments, we found out our 5 pound and 6 ounce baby grew to 6 pounds and 10 ounces in about 3 weeks. At the last visit, she last measured 7 pounds and 13 ounces.

Technician and Doctor: Wow, that’s a big baby!

Me: That’s what everyone says. Soooo…when do we start considering a C-section as the only option? How big is she going to get? 10 pounds? 15?

Doctor: I think you’re looking at an 8- or 8.5-pound baby.

Sooooo…basically…since most babies are 7.5-8.5 pounds, I panicked for nothing.* Thanks. Thanks a lot.

*Except for her massive head. The 93rd percentile, people.

Baby Scout made her debut at 8 pounds 6 ounces and 21 inches long. Imagine if she had showed up on her due date. Imagine if she’d been late. :: shudder::

The other comment we constantly heard was “Look at those cheeks!”

I do love her cheeks.

Don’t you love how her little elbow chub looks like a butt in this picture? Or is that something only a mother could love?

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“I have two butts.”

Scout’s cheeks were chipmunk-esque in utero. Obviously, she was practicing trying to take in as much Pop-Tarty goodness as possible.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I had no idea Ozzy was a boxer.”—BluzDude


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