Good morning, class! Would everyone please take their seats?
Readers, if you’ve learned anything here, I hope it’s these two things:
- Acceptable Chocolate-to-Fruit Ratio
- Yummy Food = Crack
The other day Miss Piece of the Piehole sent me a link to a blog with lots of delicious food.
Because of my recent coconut kick, I made The Domestic Rebel’s Almond Joy Blondie Bars. Except I used more chocolate…of course.
Even though the recipes don’t specifically list “crack” as an ingredient, I’m sure it’s in there. Why? Science.
Chemistry 101
I suspect that when certain foods come into contact with each other, a chemical reaction occurs and results in an addictive substance known as crack.
For those of you mathematically inclined, write this equation down. It’s even more important than E = MC².
Chocolate³ + Coconut = Crack
That’s just one example. Here’s another:
When the amount of Cake ≤ the amount of Icing = Crack
Physics 101
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Action: Eating food with crack in it.
Reaction: Eating even more food with crack in it.
Reaction to the Reaction: Expanding thighs.
Favorite Comment from Previous Post: “I vote turbo-slut, but with nerds! You’ll be doing a good deed while getting knocked up and staying disease free! And your kid will probably be a genius, there’s really no downside.”—Cocktails at Tiffanys
April 25th, 2012 at 7:56 am
Yeah, it’s not just the thighs . . . especially with all that chocolate!
Science!!
April 25th, 2012 at 9:54 am
With me it’s mostly thighs. I wish it would settle in my boobs.
April 25th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Me too! Why can’t you designate food as boobage?
Like you, stuff goes straight to the thighs. Really I should just save myself a step and rub it on my legs to begin with.
April 26th, 2012 at 9:22 am
If I rubbed it on my legs, I run the risk of eating my own leg.
April 25th, 2012 at 7:57 am
Those almond blondie bars look scrumptious!!! I’ve had breakfast but now I’m ready for dessert.
April 25th, 2012 at 10:00 am
I definitely had some for breakfast. No shame in that. Is coconut a nut or a fruit? Still counts as healthy.
April 25th, 2012 at 8:27 am
Oh man, does that ever look heavenly! Love coconut and chocolate; made those candy balls at Christmas this year….hmmmm, in fact, I still have some in the freezer-thanks, now I hear them calling my name!
April 25th, 2012 at 10:01 am
Mmmmmm…I love treats from the freezer.
April 25th, 2012 at 8:37 am
Yummmmm, those look SO good. I am SO with you on the science of chocolate!! Thrice the chocolate plus coconut indeed equals crack!
April 26th, 2012 at 9:24 am
Thanks for stopping by! All your food looks delicious!
April 25th, 2012 at 8:42 am
Technically, I think you could leave out the coconut and still have chocolate crack. Gooey, delicious chocolate crack.
April 25th, 2012 at 10:21 am
Plain chocolate is good, too. Secret’s in the sauce, errr, chocolate.
April 25th, 2012 at 8:55 am
My 9 year old’s answer to all crazy statements is “science”. “Did you know that a squirrel can jump from a ten story building and still survive for two hours?” When we asked how does he know that?, he immediately replied “Science.” He didn’t crack a smile. Or stutter.
April 25th, 2012 at 10:22 am
I’m going to start using that as my answer to everything.
April 25th, 2012 at 8:59 am
I have never had crack, but since I am addicted to chocolate+coconut combo I think it is safe to say that its like crack, at least is legal and easy to get
April 25th, 2012 at 10:23 am
Can you imagine a world where chocolate-coconut combos were illegal? What a mess that would be. More people would be in prison that out.
April 25th, 2012 at 10:25 am
LOL better get in prison trying to get this combo than living a life without tasting this goodness!
April 25th, 2012 at 9:00 am
Oh yeah, that’s my Achilles Heel… chocolate and coconut. (Mostly as experienced in a German Chocolate cake!) Ach Tongue, Baby!
April 25th, 2012 at 10:19 am
I don’t know about all this fancy physics and chemistry stuff, but I German chocolate cake is proof positive that Thoughtsy’s onto something.
April 25th, 2012 at 10:19 am
…I *think*….
April 25th, 2012 at 10:23 am
I love German Chocolate cake….
April 25th, 2012 at 11:32 am
That looks sooo good! and enlarging the picture does not help, excuse me while I eat my computer…..
April 25th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Maybe add some chocolate syrup to help the crunchiness go down smoother.
April 25th, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Is it just my computer, or are there blue things in your coconut chocolate bar? What is that?
April 25th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Almond Joy candy pieces. They look like M&Ms. They’re yummy.
April 25th, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I’m sorry but that mess looks nasty. You need to rethink your drug here, Thoughtsy! Nothing that ugly can be good for you.
April 26th, 2012 at 9:25 am
Presentation means nothing to me. As long as it tastes yummy.
April 25th, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Can it be melted down in a spoon and injected??? Please????
April 26th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Sure. But I don’t like needles so you’ll have to get someone else to inject it.
April 26th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
no prob….
April 25th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Will there be a test???
April 26th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Maaaaaaaybe…
April 25th, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Let me consider: almonds and coconut I often out in my granola and oatmeal and the chocolate is just an extra – breakfast = totally acceptable
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
April 26th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Chocolate for breakfast is always acceptable in my house.
April 25th, 2012 at 5:05 pm
This looks like the perfect breakfast food. I just read an article that said that adding almonds to your breakfast is good for you: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/04/want-to-feel-fuller-after-breakfast-and-lunch-toss-some-almonds-in-your-cereal/256326/
April 26th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
That article is now my justification for eating Almond Joys for breakfast.
April 25th, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Thoughtsy,
I love chocolate. I love coconut. And now, I’ve discovered I love you and possibly crack.
(I’m sorry if that was weird, but you’re hilarious! I’ll tone it down next time.)
April 26th, 2012 at 12:23 pm
No need to tone it down. Love the comment!
April 25th, 2012 at 8:11 pm
I love your equation here! I would try this recipe if only I was allergic to almonds. Almonds = not crack :/
April 26th, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Maybe they have Mounds candy bites.
April 25th, 2012 at 8:36 pm
You are feeding my hormone beast SO bad right now. This looks SO good.
April 26th, 2012 at 1:33 am
One of my favorite combinations. I love Almond Joys. They’re addicting–like crack!
April 26th, 2012 at 2:08 am
Now that’s my kinda addiction…
April 26th, 2012 at 8:25 am
… oh… uh… sorry. I’ll stop licking my computer screen now. The people in this coffee shop are looking at me funny.
April 26th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Show them the picture. But don’t let them lick your screen.
April 26th, 2012 at 9:06 am
And here I was innocently drinking my coffee and was naturally drawn to your post with chocolate in the title (4 out of 5 days this week I ate a brownie for breakfast) and now I’m drooling. I think that you don’t even have to EAT it to have the crack effect, yet I feel my thighs expanding as I type this. Or maybe it was from the heavily sugared blueberry muffin that I ate this morning….. Hmmmm.
April 26th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
4 out of 5 days? What do you have on the 5th day? Please say cake or ice cream.
Or is the blueberry muffin the brownie alternative? I love blueberry muffins. And now I love you for loving chocolate and blueberry muffins. Is that weird? Too soon?
April 27th, 2012 at 3:23 pm
It all feels perfectly natural to me. It’s never too soon. The blueberry muffin was most definitely the brownie substitute. I’m a health nut.
April 26th, 2012 at 7:33 pm
Oh. God. Those look SO good. Sort of like ‘dream bars’? Have you heard of those?
April 27th, 2012 at 6:56 am
I just googled them. They look tasty!
April 27th, 2012 at 7:39 am
It’s weird I’ve never liked coconut. But I’m with you on the chocolate