Remember when Esme tried to pierce my ear the day before BlogHer? That little punk.
I was laying on the floor, minding my own business, doing crunches to work on my 6-pack make room for ice cream.
Out of nowhere Esme (hypnotized by my ponytail) pounced on my head and sliced my ear with her claws that I haven’t cut in weeks razor sharp talons adamantium claws.
Thoughtsy: ESMEEEEEE! NOOOOOOO!
I immediately pinned Esme to the floor to prevent further injury.
Esme: Meow. (Translation: Uh-oh…Sorrwee.)
Thoughtsy: Hello. My name is Thoughtsy Appear. You killed my ear. Prepare to die.
Esme: Meow. (Translation: Bring it.)
Then I felt something running down my neck. I touched it, and when I pulled my hand away, it was covered in…
Thoughtsy: AHHHHHHH! Blood!
Convinced that Esme either (A) sliced my ear off, (B) pierced my ear, or (C) SLICED MY FLIPPIN” EAR OFF!, I slapped a washcloth over my ear and refused to look at until Kiefer came home.
I passed the time by shooting Esme nasty looks, then feeling bad about it and cuddling with her, crying, and asking her, “Why do you hate me?”
When Kiefer finally arrived home, apparently, my ear was still there. And fine.
Apparently, the capillaries on your face are super close together, so even the tiniest cut gushes.
Apparently, because guys shave their faces, they know face cuts bleed a lot, and it doesn’t mean you’re dying.
Hmph.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I haven’t seen this movie, but I’m pretty sure I need to. Planned on seeing Snow White and the Huntsman, but I can’t make myself believe that Kristen Stewart could ever ever show enough emotion to charm bluebirds, dwarves, a prince or a huntsman. Just sayin.”—SugarDishMe
August 29th, 2012 at 8:39 am
So was that scene cut from the broadway production???
August 29th, 2012 at 8:50 am
Maybe you can rent her out to Claire’s. That way she can finally start earning her keep!
August 30th, 2012 at 7:36 am
If only I hadn’t cut her claws last night.
August 29th, 2012 at 8:59 am
Thoughtsy, you must remember: Cats are evil. They’re hunters. They pretend to like you, but that’s because you bring them food. If you don’t bring them food the minute they want it, they’ll hunt down something to eat, even if it’s attached to the side of your head.
August 29th, 2012 at 9:05 am
Did Kiefer tell you to stick a piece of toilet paper on it?
August 30th, 2012 at 7:32 am
Of course he did. My response? No way am I walking around with TP stuck to my ear! Not to mention, I was afraid to look at the cut.
August 29th, 2012 at 9:54 am
You should probably make sure she’s licensed before you have her do the other one.
August 29th, 2012 at 11:43 am
Esme has issues. Perhaps a little pot mixed in her catnip will calm her down.
August 30th, 2012 at 7:36 am
She loves the catnip.
August 29th, 2012 at 1:07 pm
Did people use up all the Van Gogh jokes the last time you wrote about this? What about Monty Python?
August 30th, 2012 at 7:37 am
“It’s just a flesh wound.” I don’t think anyone went Monty Python. And even if they did, you can never have enough Monty Python.
August 31st, 2012 at 2:14 pm
That’s where I was gonna go. Now I got nothing.
August 29th, 2012 at 2:59 pm
It’s like Edward scissorhands but les chats version
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
August 29th, 2012 at 4:18 pm
We guys do know that cuts on your face bleed a bit more. The Supreme Court ruled in 1978 that we don’t have to tell you that until we need to. They went on to say that once a guy tells the secret, he must reveal the other one.
August 30th, 2012 at 7:38 am
How many secrets do you guys have?
August 30th, 2012 at 8:10 am
Yes.
August 29th, 2012 at 4:32 pm
You think she felt bad? Oh, no no. Now she’s tasted yummy mom flesh you’d better sleep lightly!
August 29th, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Kitty may be starting a new trend: * Pussy Piercing!*
August 30th, 2012 at 7:38 am
Usually I’m not a fan of the p-word. But I love the alliteration there, so I’m making an exception. =)
August 29th, 2012 at 9:10 pm
Ack! Cats are evil. I’m glad you’re not dying. And I imagine that you now have a piece of toilet paper stuck to your ear.
August 29th, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Thanks, all I can think of now is Ted Nuget. You might want to get tested.
August 30th, 2012 at 2:15 am
I think it’s unfair of you to write about the ear that Esme scratched without even mentioning the seven human ears in your household that Esme hasn’t scratched.
August 30th, 2012 at 7:39 am
But my ears are the most important ears. So she’s 1-1. Not the best odds.
August 31st, 2012 at 2:15 pm
It’s obvious she’s letting you know how she feels about the new puppy, who’s probably sucking up all the love in the home now with new-puppy-cuteness.