Author Archives: thoughtsappear

About thoughtsappear

I'm about to have my first child...who I promised to Rumpelstiltskin. Shhhhhh.... Hopefully he won't find out.

Grocery List: Condoms and M&Ms

On Sunday Scout’s Grammy watched her while Kiefer and I went on a date. Our date was from 4-7. (Yes, we were back at 6:40, and I only checked my phone twice to see if there was a call or text.)

We grabbed some frozen yogurt and drinks and appetizers—Yes, in that order—and on our way home, we stopped by CVS for baby sunblock and…supplies.

past

At the 6-week postpartum appointment, I was given the “green light” to resume…activities.

While we were in the Family Planning aisle, I said this:

Thoughtsy: I dare you to tell the cashier “It’s date night.” Better yet, because we’re buying condoms and baby sunblock, tell her, “We learned from our past mistakes.”

Then, while waiting in line, we saw Birthday Cake M&Ms and the new huge M&Ms, and I said:

giant

“Feel these M&Ms! They’re huge!”

What’s the weirdest combination of items you’ve ever bought?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “8 hours in a row??? No wonder her adorable little face looks so peaceful. Condolences to your boobs.”—Pegoleg


Never Wake a Sleeping Baby

At night, Scout likes to sleep, but she wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat. She’s been that way since we brought her home from the hospital…until about a week and a half ago.

7:55 PM: Scout goes to bed.

8:12 PM: Scout wakes up.

8:30 PM: Scout goes to bed again.

8:36 PM: I go to bed.

11:54 PM: I wake up and wonder why Scout isn’t up.

11:58 PM: Wonder if she’s still breathing.

11: 59 PM: Scout makes a noise. I figure she’ll wake up in the next 30 minutes.

2:27 AM: Wake up and realize Scout has been asleep for 6 hours straight! Jump out of bed to see if she’s breathing…she is.
image

2:31 AM: I realize my boobs are about to explode. I contemplate waking her up, but decide to pump instead.

2:40 AM: Pump only a little because I’m sure she’ll wake any second.

3:37 AM: Nudge Kiefer “accidentally,” and say, “Oh, good! You’re awake.Go check Scout. She’s been asleep for 7 hours and it’s freaking me out.”

3:38 AM: He checks and confirms she’s fine.

4:19 AM: Calm down enough to start to drift off.

4:27 AM: Scout wakes up after 8 hours of sleep in a row.

And that’s why I always get less sleep than Scout.


I Love Daddy…But I Love Mommy More

This was the very first outfit Scout received. My friend gave it to us. My friend. And what does it say?

I love Daddy.

WTF.

Flower

The only reason I dressed her in it is because I felt guilty that Kiefer had to change a particularly nasty diaper.

Then I realized that I pushed her out. I’m the one with stitches down under. All he did was change a really nasty dirty diaper.

That’s when I added the flower…which he hates.

I win.


Phew! My Baby Is Not Actually a Large Chipmunk

During our last specialist appointments, we found out our 5 pound and 6 ounce baby grew to 6 pounds and 10 ounces in about 3 weeks. At the last visit, she last measured 7 pounds and 13 ounces.

Technician and Doctor: Wow, that’s a big baby!

Me: That’s what everyone says. Soooo…when do we start considering a C-section as the only option? How big is she going to get? 10 pounds? 15?

Doctor: I think you’re looking at an 8- or 8.5-pound baby.

Sooooo…basically…since most babies are 7.5-8.5 pounds, I panicked for nothing.* Thanks. Thanks a lot.

*Except for her massive head. The 93rd percentile, people.

Baby Scout made her debut at 8 pounds 6 ounces and 21 inches long. Imagine if she had showed up on her due date. Imagine if she’d been late. :: shudder::

The other comment we constantly heard was “Look at those cheeks!”

I do love her cheeks.

Don’t you love how her little elbow chub looks like a butt in this picture? Or is that something only a mother could love?

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“I have two butts.”

Scout’s cheeks were chipmunk-esque in utero. Obviously, she was practicing trying to take in as much Pop-Tarty goodness as possible.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I had no idea Ozzy was a boxer.”—BluzDude


This Is How My Dog Learned to Eat Shoes

Remember back at the beginning of pregnancy when I complained about constantly having to buy bigger bras?

Yeaaaaaah…I had to do that again. But that’s not what this post is about.

The last couple weeks of pregnancy those troubles traveled south. Way south…to my feet.

As in my feet were swollen, not that my boobs were so huge that they touched the floor.

One day I walked around the office in little black bootie/ballet socks and praying that no one would realize I wasn’t wearing shoes. After that, I stole Kiefer’s PF Flyers and wore those to work. Since they’re all black, no one noticed I was wearing sneakers.

My ankles were nearly nonexistent, and every pair of shoes I owned (including the new bigger and wider ones I just bought) were pinching my feet.

I cursed myself for giving Ozzy the most recent shoe box so I couldn’t return the new shoes.

Everyone always posts pictures of cats and boxes, but no one posts about dogs and boxes. In case you were wondering what dogs do with boxes, let me put your mind at rest.

Step 1. Inspect the box for any strange odors.

sniff

Step 2. Determine if the box contained food…or is food.

durability

Step 3. Taunt the cat with the new toy box.

showtocat

Step 4. Determine if the box is indestructible.

test

Step 5. Destroy the box…but look cute while doing it.

eatthebox

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “My life with a newborn was very similar. We put our daughter in the crib the first night and then told her how to work the TV remote and to help herself to anything in the fridge if she woke before us. We were very surprised when she was up….15 minutes later.”—The Waiting


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