Kiefer and I broke up a couple weeks before the holidays, and at first, we didn’t really tell anyone.
We already had plans to go to holiday parties, and rather than going separately and fielding the inevitable “Where’s Kiefer?” and “Where’s Thoughtsy?” we went to the parties together.
We didn’t want other people to feel awkward, and because we parted on good terms, it wasn’t awkward for us.
But that did have some snowballing effects…
Kiefer and I began talking to a couple we’d never met when Boo pulled up a chair and sat near us.
Lady: Aren’t you going to get a chair for your mom?
Boo and I exchanged looks: Do we explain that I’m not his mom? Instead, Boo just said…
Boo: Do you want a chair? You can have this one.
Because that’s how Boo and I rolled. He’s not my son. I’m not his mom. But that was ok.
A few minutes later…
Notice my ringless hand.
Lady: Does your husband….
I didn’t bother correcting her because what’s the correct response in this situation?
- “It’s funny that you said, ‘husband.’ He’s not my husband. He’s not even my boyfriend anymore because he waited to long to become my husband.”
- “He’s actually my exboyfriend. We’re just pretending to still be together, so people don’t feel awkward. Do you feel awkward?”
- “He’s just…my boyfriend.”
- Don’t correct her.
Since I figured I would never see this lady again, I went with Option #4.
You know what happened? A few weeks later…I saw the couple again. Of course.
Only a few people knew that Kiefer and I broke up. Because I didn’t want to talk about it all night, I only told the truth to every third person that asked. Everyone else got vagueness, including the couple I never thought I’d see again:
Person: Where’s Kiefer?
Thoughtsy: He’s…home.
Person: With the boys?
Thoughtsy: Yessssss…. He’s home with the boys.
Person: Tell him I said hi!
So when I start dating, I’ll probably run into this couple yet again. And she’ll probably ask where my husband is and scare off my date. Or she’ll think I’m a whore.
The other day at the doctor’s office I ran into a friend’s daughters.
Thoughtsy: Hi! How are you?
Daughter #1: Good. You? Daughter #2, you remember Kiefer’s wife, right?
Le sigh.
