Tag Archives: eww

You’ve Got to Bat Your Eyes…Like This

Growing up, I was a total tomboy. I couldn’t tell you exactly when I became girly, but I suspect it was around prom…because the dresses were pretty.

For a girl, I’m pretty low maintenance. I usually wear eye makeup, but I only use foundation on special occasions. Makeup takes time, and I have no patience. Plus, I never really figured out how to use blush correctly.

When I first heard about eyelash extensions, I thought:

Perfect! Now I won’t have to use mascara. Woo-hoo for 3.14 extra minutes of sleep! Sweet!

Extensions normally cost between $150-200. So I cheaped out, and let my nail salon do them for $60. They fell off the next day.

When I saw that a real salon had an eyelash extension special for $50, I tried one more time.

Now if I can just get rid of the nasty red vein....

Now if I can just get rid of the nasty red vein in my eye….

The picture was taken 2 weeks after my appointment…which means some fell out. You can imagine how awesome they looked when I first got them.

Apparently, I have more eyelashes than the average person, so it took almost 3 hours to put on a full set of lashes (because they put them on one-by-one).

As the technician handed me a mirror, she said, “They’ll be even more dramatic if you put mascara on!”

I could see spiders my lashes in the mirror across the room. No mascara needed.

Now I’m used to them, and I love them. But when I first saw them, I was shocked into girly overload…hence this text conversation:

Me: OMG…These eyelashes make me look like a hooker!

Friend: And you’re worth every penny.

 Kudos to the person who guesses what movie the post title is from.


This Is Not the Post You’re Looking For

After visiting my little brother in LA, I’m flying to the East Coast, and approximately 14 hours later, I’m headed back to the West Coast for work.

Which means…my blog will suffer, but I’ve predrafted this search terms post for you to read.

You’re welcome.

The following search terms brought the boys to the yard people to my blog:

  • Cat Playing in Toilet. Yep. Got that.
  • My Butt in See-Through Panties. Ain’t got that.
  • How to Fluff Your Lovesac. Got that.
  • Pop-Tart Addicts. I can stop any time I want!
  • White Chocolate Pop-Tarts. WHERE?! I mean…that sounds racist.
  • End of World Butt. Uhhhh…no. You should probably go see a doctor.
  • What Is a Pennis? Probably the same thing as a Pianist.

Have a great week!

What’s the funniest search term that’s brought someone to your blog?


How I Killed Santa

Is there a movie that single-handedly shattered your childhood? The other night we watched that movie for Radley.

Every other weekend, one night is usually the night I fall asleep on the couch family movie night. Now that Boo is 12, and Radley is nearly 10, they said they were finished with kiddy movies. They wanted to watch a scary movie.

Their logic was that I watch scary movies all the time, and I’m scared of bugs, so surely, they could handle a horror movie.

Boo and Radley began perusing my movie collection for possibilities.

  • 28 Days Later? No.
  • Nightmare on Elm Street? No.
  • Hellraiser? Hell no.
  • Gremlins? Hmmmm….

Kiefer and I hadn’t seen Gremlins in awhile. Surely Gizmo’s cuteness would counteract the scary gremlins. Surely….

"Baby, it's cold outside...." Let us in.

“Baby, it’s cold outside….” Let us in.

And they did ok. Even when the science teacher gets stabbed to death with a needle. Although I guess we won’t know for sure until it’s time for booster shots.

But then…it happened.

The girl in the movie begins her story of why she hates Christmas. Turns out her dad died around Christmas. He died in a chimney…dressed like Santa to deliver her presents…because there is no Santa.

And that, my friends, is how I killed Santa for Radley.

Stupid movie. It should have come with a disclaimer: Watching this movie will kill Christmas for your child.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Awww, you are the sweetest girlfriend ever. Maybe when he returns, he will bring your coat back, and there will be a ring in it? I mean, it’s only fair since you kept his tootsies all warm and toasty!”—Misty’s Laws


Run for Your Life! It’s a Killer Turkey!

A few months ago, a Netflix movie perked my interest: ThanksKilling. So I added it to my queue…and waited. Waited until it was nearly Thanksgiving to watch the holiday-themed movie.

I would call this a B movie, but that seems like an insult to Evil Dead. So this is a C movie. Possibly even a D movie.

  • Turkeys can talk…and kill.
  • Killer turkeys will drink your blood like cranberry sauce.
  • Killer turkeys make bad puns. Like ax-cidently killing someone with an ax.
  • Bunnies commit suicide by throwing themselves in campfires.
  • Turkeys wear extra small gravy-flavored condoms.

Uh…yeah…. When this movie started, it was so bad that it was good. But the Killer Turkey having sex… ::shudder:: That ruined it for me.

And I was just about to turn it off when I saw this:

Don’t be fooled. This is a Killer Turkey in an excellent disguise.

Then it got even better. The college girl mistakes the Killer Turkey for her dad.

“Hi Daddy!”

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! And beware of killer turkeys!

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “The repetition of the line ‘I know exactly where we are’ was like a car ride with Mr T. So was the need for Dramamine.”—ThyPolar’s Life


Snakes Love Peanut Butter

Dogs love peanut butter. Mice love peanut butter. You know what else loves peanut butter? Snakes.

My dad sent me this picture. He found it in the garage.

This snake brings back some many memories. Like the time my mom said we didn’t have to go to church because a black snake (we named him “Charlie”) was sunning itself right outside our front door.

Or the time my little brother said he was walking to the bus stop to warn me about the snake he’d seen. Mom needed to stay in the house…where it was safe.

But the best snake encounter involved my cat Caramel. She lived to be 20 years old, and she died about 4 years ago. She was the best cat ever. Sorry, Esme, but she was.

Caramel was a Calico. She meowed…whenever you opened the refrigerator door when she saw you coming home from school all the time.

One day she was meowing a lot. Like a-lot-a-lot.  So I headed down to the basement to see what was wrong.

Once she had my attention, she kept sniffing a sneaker. She would not leave it alone.

Thoughtsy: You brought me down here to show me a shoe?

Caramel: Meow.

Thoughtsy: Caramel, leave it alone. It’s just a shoe.

Caramel: MEOW!

Thoughtsy: It’s just a shoe! See! (::picks up shoe, taps heel on ground, snake falls out::) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Then I swoped up Caramel (leave no cat behind) and ran screaming up the stairs. Cause that’s how I roll when it comes to snakes.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I discovered this Tim Burton – The Nightmare Before Easter Cadbury anomaly, and I deemed it very, very good.”—Angelia Sims


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