Tag Archives: Food

More Snow? Screw TP! We Need Booze!

You’ve probably heard about the crazy cold weather we’ve been experiencing this winter.

Because expected snowfall maps in inches have been done to death, this is the new snow map:

I live in the “15 cases” region. Since I’m pregnant, this map makes me a little sad. I haven’t found a hot chocolate equivalent map.

But we have ice cream and Girl Scout cookies, so we’ll be fine.

Up until this point, the snow we’ve gotten has been manageable. Sure, the kids haven’t had a full week of school since Thanksgiving, but inchwise, we haven’t gotten more than 6-8 inches of snow with each storm.

All of that changes today. I can no longer see the tires on Kiefer’s car. That’s how much we have right now, and it’s still coming down. How tall are Honda Accord tires?

What does that mean exactly?

It means bread, milk, and TP will be worth more than gold for the next few days.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Have you considered dressing like that for the remainder of the pregnancy?”—Omawarisan


Want a Pet? Go to IKEA

A month or so ago, Radley’s mom got him a cell phone.

Almost all of our text exchanges involve him sending me pictures. Pictures of desserts, cats, and dogs.

Over the weekend, Kiefer took Boo and Radley to IKEA. A couple hours later, Radley texted me a picture of a cat and said, “Named Phoebe.”

Apparently, IKEA sells cats now.

These cats come free with the shelves.

*IKEA does not sell cats. But IKEA is guaranteed to make your kids so grumpy that you’ll agree to swing by PetSmart on your way home just to put everyone in a better mood.

Thoughtsy: Awwww….

Radley: Dad said we should get her.

Apparently, IKEA will also make your cat-hating husband (who’s only just begun to love your current cat) think adopting another cat is a good idea.

Thoughtsy: I don’t believe you.

Radley: He did. She doesn’t mind dogs and would love another cat around.

Thoughtsy: I’m not sure Esme Kitty would feel the same way.

When Kiefer and my stepsons arrived home, Radley came in first and said, “Wait here. They’re bringing you a surprise.”

Surely IKEA wasn’t bad enough to make Kiefer forget that he’s allergic to cats, that he only recently built up a tolerance to Esme, that the boys barely take care of Ozzy and Esme as it is, and that…oh right…we have a baby arriving in 2.5 weeks!

Boo: We picked you up some orange slices.

Thoughtsy: Thanks! No cat?

Kiefer: No cat.

So, no, IKEA isn’t that bad. But Kiefer also didn’t actually buy anything that needed assembly. If so, we might have ended up with another cat…or two.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Laying down with your feet up….isn’t that maybe how you got yourself into the pregnancy predicament to begin with?”—SandyLand


Marie Antoniette Really Said, “Let Them Eat Dates”

Apparently, eating dates the month before your due date will make you dilate quicker, and in theory, you’d have a faster labor.

“If only I’d eaten a few more dates and a little less cake….”

Faster labor = Woo-hoo!*

*I probably won’t be “woo-hooing” during the labor, only after when I’ve labored for only 22 minutes. Yes, 22 minutes of labor is my goal. We live 5 minutes from the hospital so 22 minutes is doable and even gives us a time cushion.

Since I’d never eaten a date before, I bought some warm-up dates at week 34.**

**Yes, that’s 2 weeks early, but this baby needs to come out before she gets any bigger and rips me in half upon her arrival.

I bought date pieces because if they tasted bad, I figured I could swallow the pieces without chewing.

Dates taste sweet. Like really sweet. Like almost*** too sweet even for me.

***Notice the use of the word “almost.”

I’ve now hit 36 weeks and the baby is “breathing” like a champ. It’s time to up the date intake.

My midwife is supposed to check this week to see if I’m dilated or effaced. Keep your fingers crossed for 10 cm and 100% effaced. But I want to be realistic, so I’d also take 8 cm and 80%.


Santa Put Me on the Nice List This Year

I just wanted to show off a few of my favorite Christmas gifts.

Exhibit A: Giant Candy Bar*

*I don’t have a picture of this.

  • Maybe it’s because I keep forgetting to take one and I don’t want to wait any longer on this post.
  • Maybe it’s because I hid it from my stepsons, and now I can’t remember where I put it.
  • Maybe it’s because I already ate it.

The world may never know.

Because every pregnant woman needs a candy bar the length of her arm. This prevents her from actually eating her arm…or someone else’s arm.

Exhibit B: Branded Pillow

pillow

My friend Princess made this for me. Awwww….

Exhibit C: Zombie Baby T-Shirt

zombaby

Because we all know how much I love zombie babies. Thank you, Misty!

What were some of your favorite Christmas gifts that you gave or received?

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “Either pickle juice you try, I relish the idea.”—BluzDude
  • “With a comment like that, I feel as though you may just be jerkin her gherkin.”—AbsentElemental

I Spent New Year’s Eve Stalking Unicorns

On New Year’s Eve morning, I had no idea what to bring to the party Kiefer and I were going to. I thought of just making a good standby recipe, but…I have a reputation to uphold.

Imaginary Conversation with Friend: “Oh. You made Orange Dreamsicle cookies…again.”

Imaginary Thoughtsy: I know…I FAILED!

Then…I saw it.

A cookie so colorful, so glittery, so sprinkley—it was perfect!

Behold, the Unicorn Poop Cookie.

Unicorncookie

We used some star sprinkles. I wish I’d taken a closeup.

Here’s how you make a unicorn poop cookie:

  1. Enlist the help of children. Unicorns like children.
  2. Have the children call out, “Here unicorny-corny! I have treats!”
  3. Feed the unicorn a lot of Fruity Pebble treats. A lot.
  4. Give each child a bag.
  5. Wait.
  6. Wait some more.
  7. Tell the unicorn to “Go potty!”
  8. Instruct the children to walk behind the unicorn and bag the unicorn droppings.
  9. Make sure the children wash their hands when they’re done.

Boo and Radley are now expert unicorn poop baggers if you’d like to borrow them. You’ll have to pay them, of course, since there are child labor laws. They would probably accept cookies as payment.

Oooooooor…you can whip up some sugar cookie dough (I added cherry vanilla flavoring to change it up)…

  1. Separate it and dye it with neon food coloring. The boys and I wore sandwich bags on our hands to avoid coloring our skin.
  2. Refrigerate the for 30 minutes or so.
  3. Roll each color into a snake.
  4. Twist the dough snakes together.
  5. Wrap the dough in a circle.
  6. Bake at 375 for about 8 minutes.
  7. Decorate cooled cookies with confetti icing gel, glitter sprinkles, and gold star sprinkles.

You can do it however you want, but the first scenario has less clean up and involves a real unicorn. Just sayin’….

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “No, he did not call you fat, of course. He called you PHAT. That’s street for totally bitchin’, or so I’m told.”—Pegoleg


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