Tag Archives: Life

May 9, 2013

Chocolate Challenge: Sleep Around

By thoughtsappear

Remember how I’m taking the Chocolate Challenge and doing everything the chocolate tells me to do?

Now my mom is joining in on the fun.

She came over for dinner, and afterwards…

Thoughtsy’s Mom: May I have one of your chocolates?

Thoughtsy: Sure. But save the wrapper. You need to do whatever it tells you to do.

Thoughtsy’s Mom: ::unwraps chocolate and pops it in her mouth::

Thoughtsy: What does it say?

Indulge in dark.

Indulge in dark.

Thoughtsy’s Mom: “Indulge in dark.” What does that mean?

Thoughtsy: It means…you have to sleep with a Black man.

Thoughtsy’s Mom: ?????

Thoughtsy: It’s ok. I can take this one for you.

23 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Food

May 8, 2013

Freshly Pegged: Wolves Are the New Lap Dogs

By thoughtsappear

Haaaaaave you met Peg? I blog crush on her and her Reese’s Cups. (No, that’s not an euphemism.)

Have you heard about Peg’s series Freshly Pegged? That’s where I am today. Because you know who deserves to be Freshly Pegged?

Someone who laughs in the face of danger.

Someone who walks straight into a wolf’s den and says, “I’m not afraid of you.”

Someone who loves all things furry.

Me.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I once went on a date with a guy that I’m sure had his mother in his freezer at home. He spoke to me with his head tilted to the left and didn’t move his lips when he spoke. During the date I texted my BFF, ‘I know that he wants to wear my boobs for a hat, I do not want to be material for nipple beanies!’ I toughed out the comedy show and made a quick getaway. Thankfully he didn’t know where I live. Dating sucks.”—TrippyBeth

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Animals

May 6, 2013

How to Spot a Psychokiller

By thoughtsappear

One evening the Cupcake Dangler (CD) invited me to his house. I accepted…and then I panicked.

What if his super-polite gentlemanliness was all an act…and he was secretly a psychokiller.

After Googling the percentage of psychopaths in the population (1-2%), I decided to play the odds. CD was probably safe. And his house probably did not contain a secret torture room.

Nevertheless, I decided to be on guard and look for suspicious psychokiller clues.

CD: Would you like some wine?

What I Should Have Said: No, thank you.

What I Really Said: Yes, please. 

Translation: I’m afraid you’re going to kill me, and I want to be numb to the pain.

CD: Red or White? This bottle of white is already opened, but I can open the red if you prefer?

What I Should Have Said: Red, please.

Translation: I want to be sure you didn’t roofie the opened bottle.

What I Really Said: White, please.

Translation: Roofie, shmoofie.

CD: Can I give you the tour?

What I Should Have Said: Yes. Of the living room. Only the living room.

What I Really Said: Sure!

Translation: I will stab you with the wine glass stem if you try anything.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I’m with you; that peacock looks incredibly dangerous. Its beady eye is freaking me out right now.”—Sarah9188

22 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Boyfriend

May 2, 2013

A Visit to Zoobilee Zoo…in Pittsburgh

By thoughtsappear

Want to join me on a safari? But I’m warning you right now, it’ll be dangerous.

Cat fights…

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Leopard: If you take me home, I’ll eat Esme Kitty for breakfast.

Close calls…

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Deery Lou: Your sweater sleeve tastes soooooo good!

Violence…

SAM_0363

Peacock: Thoughtsy, I’m here to help you get over your fear of birds…and then I’m going to knock you unconscious with my massive tail feathers and peck your face off.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Cupcakes are being melted and dangled all over the place here, Thoughtsy! I just can’t handle the cupcake abuse!”-Daile

22 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Travel

May 1, 2013

I Locked Cupcakes in the Car and Didn’t Crack the Window

By thoughtsappear

A few weeks ago, I locked my keys in the car. At work. Oops.

Luckily, my mom has an extra key. Unluckily, I work for the Special Forces, so there’s too much hassle security involved for her to bring me the key.

Cupcake Dangler (CD): Where are the cupcakes you baked?

Me: In my car. For safekeeping. With my keys.

I was going to walk to meet my mom because it’s only a mile off post. And then CD offered to drive me because he really wanted a cupcake.

Once we reached the key drop-off point, I called my mom from CD’s phone (because mine was locked in my car) to see where she was.

Me: Someone from work was nice enough to drive me….

CD: “Someone from work?” I’m hurt. I don’t get to meet your mom?

Me: I can’t tell my mom it was you!  Then she’ll save your phone number, and you’ll get random texts from her asking if I’m ok if she can’t get ahold of me. And that’s embarrassing.

Then later that day, my mom texted me this:

Mom: Was that him?

Me: Yep. Don’t save his phone number, ok?

Mom: Too late.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “This is eery. I JUST told my family I wanted eyelash extensions for Mother’s Day, and they laughed and laughed. And then laughed some more. Fuckers. I’m showing them all this post.”—Carmen

27 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Boyfriend

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