Everyone Else in the Entire World Other Netflix Subscribers,
I need your help. It’s nearly Halloween, and I just started my annual Halloween movie marathon.
Oops…. My bad.
Last year I watched the Scream series, the year before was Friday the 13th (which was insane because there were 12 movies), and the year before it was Halloween.
This year I’m watching Final Destination. That’s 5 movies. I think I can watch 5 movies in the two remaining weeks. Except I’m traveling for 7 of those days.
So no one else should rent those movies from Netflix. I can’t have “Short Wait,” “Long Wait,” or “Very Long Wait” popping up in my queue.
Seriously. Whoever has Final Destination 3…send it back ASAP. Did you put it in the mail? You did? Thanks! There’s a red envelope with a shiny (ooooo, shiny!) foil Pop-Tart package coming your way.
Just in case that’s not enough, here’s a quick Movies Teach Us post about the first Final Destination:
- Never rip an old flight ticket off your luggage.
- The Candyman also works as a mortician. (::shudder::)
- Never go to Paris.
One of the best things about living with Kiefer, Boo, and Radley is that I no longer need an excuse to watch cartoons.
Netflix, feel free to send me
Strawberry Shortcake Disney and Pixar films. No one will judge me.
Please don’t judge me. I’m no chupacabra.
The other day we watched Puss in Boots, and here’s what I learned:
- Tuesday night is Dance Fight Night.
- “Don’t talk about Bean Club” is Rule #1. And Rule #2.
- There is a dance called “the Litter Box,” and another dance that resembles a dog scoot.
- Beans really are magical. And not just in the Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you—kinda way.
- Don’t declaw your cat. Unless you want it to grow up to become a thief.
- Behind every golden-egg-laying chick is a pissed off mother goose.
Most importantly, I learned that if someone offers to show you his Golden Eggs tattoo and begins unbuckling his pants, look away. Look. Away.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Bra as a hat…hmm, then I have a chapeau for every occasion! Lacy, soft cup ‘hat’ for lazy days when I just don’t feel like doing my hair. Extra padded for when I need the protection of a helmet or it’s extra cold outside. Red for the holidays. Striped for when I want to stand out in the crowd. Hot pink for sassy days. Blue and white for cheering on my college team. Strapless for when I don’t need ‘full’ head coverage, like a visor. And etc, etc….”—ifUseekAmy
That title is a lie. Nobody loves cake more than me. Nobody.
You know what cake makes me think of? TV.
I know that doesn’t make sense right now, but just go with it. Trust me.
I like to have the TV on while…
- I’m folding laundry.
- I’m practicing my pushups or doing the 100 work-out.
I should be practicing my sign language.
- I’m baking.
- I’m trying to fall asleep….
I like background noise sometimes. The keyword there is background. I’m a pretty quiet person, and sometimes people who talk a lot annoy me.
Anyways…currently, I’m watching Cake Boss on Netflix. (Now you see the cake TV connection, don’t you?) My reasons for liking this show should be obvious, but in case you’re new here: I have a dessert addiction. (There. I admitted it. Step 1 complete!)
And now…Esme has a dessert addiction. Or she really likes Buddy the Baker.
Excuse me, sir. May I please have some cake?
Must have cake....
No claws on the screen, Esme.
For the last couple weeks every time I turned on the TV (at Kiefer’s house because he has Direct TV), Jewel of the Nile was on.
In fact, I bet it’s on right now. Maybe you should go check.
And for the last couple weeks, every time Jewel of the Nile was on, I thought, “I want to watch the first one!”
I clicked through the channels, scrolled through the guide, and Romancing the Stone was never on. This is just proves the saying that nothing is ever on TV. (And that, my friends, is why I don’t have cable, only Netflix.)
So finally, last night I watched Romancing the Stone through Netflix.
And here’s what I learned:
- Colombia is full of crime, not coffee.
- Michael Douglas used to be young.
- Don’t burn mary-ju-wanna to stay warm.
- The Doobie Brothers broke up.
- Treasure maps are super easy to follow.
- Always check creepy bunny statues for gems.
- No one can pull off alligator skin boats. No one. Not even young Michael Douglas.
Someone in the blog world (I can’t remember who) told me to watch the movie Dead Snow. Because I will watch anything about zombies.
Except Zombie Strippers. I’m still waivering on whether or not to watch that one.
Plot: A group of medical students take a vacation in the snowy mountains. Nazi zombies attack, and the snowy white hills run red with blood. The movie is like a giant cherry sno-cone.
Since I’ve never been skiing (or encountered a real zombie), I learned a lot from Dead Snow.
- If you hear the Nutcracker’s “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy,” run. Zombies are chasing you.
- Sometimes you have to wear a hat to bed to stay warm, but not a shirt.
- Don’t tease the shirtless hat-wearing guy. He sews up a zombie bite with a fish hook and then bandages his neck with duct tape. Dude is hard core.
- Men will cut off their infected arm to avoid becoming a zombie, but they will not cut off their penis.
- If you fall over a cliff, use zombie intestines as rope.
A few warnings for you if you decide to watch the movie (via Netflix Instant Viewing)…
Have your popcorn ready and your laundry folded because there are subtitles. And subtitles mean no multitasking.
When the characters diss the Evil Dead series, you’ll be tempted to turn off those Bruce Campbell haters. But power through because the movie redeems itself by referencing Indiana Jones, April Fool’s Day, Friday the 13th, Homer Simpson, and Terminator.
I think the most important lesson I learned from the movie is Never go skiing (or partake in other outdoor winter activities). If you do, you’ll be attacked by Nazi zombies.