Tag Archives: Pete

November 16, 2011

Eating Pop-Tarts Could Save Your Life

By thoughtsappear

Finally…after months of a Pop-Tart-free diet…I caved.

What was the cause of demise? Multiple factors.

  • Closure of the Pop-Tarts store in NYC.
  • Halloween candy withdraw.
  • Stress about the Ravens-Steelers game.
  • Stress about being trapped in a wrecked car for days and starving to death.

That actually almost happened to a little girl. Do you know what probably saved her life (besides the seatbelt)?

Pop-Tarts.

True story. And that is why you should carry Pop-Tarts with you at all times. All times, people. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

You know what else made me give in to Pop-Tart consumption?

A new flavor Pop-Tart: Baby Seal Sugar Cookie.

That’s right. I tore open my Pop-Tart to package only to be face-to-face with a baby seal…in a hat…waving at me.

Baby Seal: Hello! (Baby Seal sounds like Mr. Bill.)

Me: Hello….

Baby Seal: Why are you looking at me like that?

Me: Like what?

Baby Seal: Like that! Like you’re going to eat me.

Me: ::evil grin::

Baby Seal: NOOOOOOOOOO! I could be your new Pete!*

Me: Nice try, Baby Seal. But Pete was a penguin…and not made of delicious Pop-Tart. Nom Nom Nom.

*If you’re new around here, you’re probably thinking, Who the hell is Pete?  Pete was a penguin Kiefer got me from Africa. Unfortunately, the original Pete the Penguin was eaten by a shark. But when I visited Tampa, I got to meet Petey Junior, aka RePete.

61 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Food

June 9, 2011

Nanny Nanny Boo Boo! Stick Your Head in….

By thoughtsappear

Please excuse the regression to my 5-year-old self.

But I’m having an early birthday celebration this weekend! I’m so flippin’ excited that I may pee my pants! Oops…too late…. Apparently bladder control starts to go at age 29.

Seriously.

So you’ll have to do without me for a few days. I know, I know. Deep breaths. 

What? You forgot my birthday was this month? I can’t believe that you would forget something so important. I mean, it’s not like you have your own blogs, lives, children, and pets to take care of or anything. (::head hung in shame:: <–Yours, not mine.)

Anyways, as my early birthday present, please pick one of the following:

  • Search for a Pete, Jr. (I heard Pete was quite the ladies’ penguin.)
  • Bake some cookies (and then send me a sample).
  • Check out my About and Background pages. (I updated them forever ago and then didn’t tell you.)
  • Start a fundraiser for me you and me to go on another cruise.

Now for some serious business.

Serious Business #1: There’s an imposter amongst us. While the Hipster and I were in Ellicott City, we found someone masquerading as The Jolie!

Serious Business #2: Please send wrinkle cream. Apparently my 29-year-old forehead needs some.

Note to self: Never make that face again. It causes wrinkles.

37 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in Life

May 3, 2011

My New Secret Weapon

By thoughtsappear

It’s no secret that I hate birds (except Pete). If you didn’t know that, read this post.

I’ll wait.

Did you read it? I don’t wanna see any comments below about how birds are really very nice creatures, blah blah blah. Because if birds were really nice, they wouldn’t be terrorizing me.

Plus birds keep pooing on my blog buddy, Izzie. You can say, “But birds pooing on you is good luck!” Bah! That’s just a myth spread by those dirty little birdies.

Anyways, as you read in last year’s post, the current score is Thoughts 2, Birds 8. The flippin’ birds are winning. Jerks.

However, up until now, the birds have had an advantage: They outnumber me.

But not anymore! Now I have a sidekick. More than a sidekick. I have a secret weapon.

A secret weapon that…

  • Jumps 5 feet into the air.
  • Is faster than a speeding bullet.
  • Has claws of steel.
  • Has a bird-killing instinct (well, kinda).
  • Has cat-like reflexes.

    To illustrate my point better, maybe I should have picked a pic where she wasn't napping.

 It’s Esme!

In the past month, two birds have manuevered their way into Blarney and I’s basement. And Esme has caught both of them!

Look out birds, we’re coming for you.

Thoughts and Esme, 4. Birds, 8.

27 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Animals

April 21, 2011

Pete the Penguin Lives On…Not in My Heart, But in Florida

By thoughtsappear

After the cruise, Kiefer and I wandered around Port of Tampa. You know what’s at the Port of Tampa?

Do you know what you can do at the Florida Aquarium?

PET A PENGUIN!

So that’s exactly what we did. I, Thoughtsie, touched a penguin. I also learned a lot about penguins, such as…

  • Penguins have more feathers than any other bird.
  • Penguins poop. A lot. Like every 10 minutes. (This almost made me change my mind about petting one.) And their poop can shoot up to 4 feet. No one is safe. No one.

Except for me. I was safe. I did not get pooped on.

Kiefer, on the other hand, was not so lucky.

Just kidding. Kiefer didn’t get pooped on either.

  • Penguins are extremely affectionate. They prefer to eat their fish from the biologist’s hand.
  • You know how cats purr when they’re happy? Penguins shudder. It looks like they’re having a seizure.
  • Penguins sleep a lot. Sometimes they just fall over because they’re asleep.

We got to see about 10 or so penguins, but here’s the one we got to pet. He looks familiar, doesn’t he?

PETEY!

I’m sure it’s Pete. Don’t you see the resemblance?

Pete the Penguin is ALIVE!

What do you think? Is it Pete or am I in denial?

29 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Animals

April 6, 2011

How To Prepare for a Cruise

By thoughtsappear
  1. Pawn your cat off on your parents.
  2. Buy 10 new swimsuits.
  3. Realize you may have gone overboard (Bwahaha! Overboard! Get it?) and return 3 swimsuits.
  4. Wax your underarms.
  5. After the underarm pain subsides, wax your bikini line.
  6. DoubleTriple check the boarding time so you don’t miss the boat.
  7. Buy 5 bottles of Dramamine.
  8. Notice your pasty white legs.
  9. Apply Natural Glow Firming Tanning Lotion (fair to medium skin tones).
  10. Realize you don’t have time for gradual tanning. Apply lotion for medium to tan skin tones.
  11. Wonder if your hands look orange.
  12. Pack entire summer wardrobe.
  13. Confirm that your hands are definitely orange.
  14. Drop hints that it would be coolest thing ever if your boyfriend proposed on the cruise.
  15. Realize you shouldn’t get your hopes up.
  16. Practice your surprise-ring face just in case.
  17. Create “Have You Seen Pete the Penguin?” posters to pass out to the water wildlife in case he survived the shark attack.
  18. Narrow your book selection down from 10 books to 2. Well, maybe 3.
  19. Buy underwater cameras. (Crap. I’ll be right back.)

46 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Travel

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