5:15 AM: My alarm went off. I hit “Snooze.”
5:25 AM: My alarm went off again. I snoozed it again.
5:35 AM: My alarm went off. I turned it off.
5:50 AM: Craaaaaap. No yoga for me. I just want to go back to sleep!
5:51 AM: Wait…wasn’t it supposed to snow last night?
5:53 AM: I inch my way across the bed to peek out the window and see…
Obviously, I didn’t take this picture at 5:53 AM. I took it at 7:53 AM.
5:54 AM: I call work. There’s a 2-hour delay! Hells yeah! I can go back to sleep!
5:58 AM: I’m still awake. Probably just the excitement of the delay.
6:04 AM: I’m still awake.
6:15 AM: Still awake.
6:22 AM: Still…awake.
6:25 AM: Dammit. Yoga, it is.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I never knew whether I should feel complimented or insulted when my cat used to groom me. At least he wasn’t covering me up with sand…”—Bluzdude
I now believe in global warming.
Two years ago, we got two massive snowstorms and a billion inches of snow. Not a billion inches, a million inches. This year…we barely got enough to cover the ground.
It’s officially spring. But I refuse to let the lack of snow stop me from entering Spectra’s Snowman Contest.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Zombie Snowman in Candyland.
You can’t really tell from the pics, but
I the zombie took a bite of the snowman’s brain.
After a very, very long day yesterday at the airport, I’m finally back from New Orleans. As soon as I get organized, I’ll post the pictures.
With Kiefer gone, I had a lot of time to
clean practice sign language sit on my tushie shop watch movies. Usually I watch horror movies.
One time…while Kiefer was away…my brain momentarily shut down, and I decided to watch The Notebook. Huge mistake.
After the movie, Kiefer and I’s phone conversation went something like this:
Me: I miss you.
Kiefer: I miss you, too. I’ll be home in 3 days.
Me: (::beginning to sob::) That’s too long! I think you’ll hate me, but really you’ll be writing me letters, only Esme will have stolen them, so I’ll think you hate me. And then I’ll get Alzheimer’s and won’t remember you! And then we’ll die! (::sobbing hysterically::)
Kiefer: What the….
Me: I just watched The Notebook. I’ll be fine in a few minutes.
And that, my friends, is why I stick with horror movies. Less stressful for everyone.
So here are my observations from The Shining…
- My first thought was Stanley Kubrick and Stephen King? Maybe I should choose another movie. But since I’d seen it before, I figured I’d be fine.
- The roads in Colorado need guardrails.
- Jack Nicholson used to be young. Holy crap!
- Jack Nicholson plays crazy better than any other actor. (Except for Gary Busey. But that’s different because Gary is crazy. Remember when I almost met him?)
- “Red Rum” is “murder” spelled backwards.
- If your child has an imaginary friend or talking finger…be afraid, be very afraid.
- In 1980, women didn’t know how to hold and swing a bat.
And most importantly, once again, never go skiing or anywhere with loads of snow. Snow = Trouble.
Someone in the blog world (I can’t remember who) told me to watch the movie Dead Snow. Because I will watch anything about zombies.
Except Zombie Strippers. I’m still waivering on whether or not to watch that one.
Plot: A group of medical students take a vacation in the snowy mountains. Nazi zombies attack, and the snowy white hills run red with blood. The movie is like a giant cherry sno-cone.
Since I’ve never been skiing (or encountered a real zombie), I learned a lot from Dead Snow.
- If you hear the Nutcracker’s “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy,” run. Zombies are chasing you.
- Sometimes you have to wear a hat to bed to stay warm, but not a shirt.
- Don’t tease the shirtless hat-wearing guy. He sews up a zombie bite with a fish hook and then bandages his neck with duct tape. Dude is hard core.
- Men will cut off their infected arm to avoid becoming a zombie, but they will not cut off their penis.
- If you fall over a cliff, use zombie intestines as rope.
A few warnings for you if you decide to watch the movie (via Netflix Instant Viewing)…
Have your popcorn ready and your laundry folded because there are subtitles. And subtitles mean no multitasking.
When the characters diss the Evil Dead series, you’ll be tempted to turn off those Bruce Campbell haters. But power through because the movie redeems itself by referencing Indiana Jones, April Fool’s Day, Friday the 13th, Homer Simpson, and Terminator.
I think the most important lesson I learned from the movie is Never go skiing (or partake in other outdoor winter activities). If you do, you’ll be attacked by Nazi zombies.
It’s snowing here in…does Maryland have a nickname? It should. I mean, New York gets to be “The Big Apple.” Maybe we could call Maryland “The Big Cheese.” Just because I find the word “cheese” hilarious.
I bet Wisconsin is already ”The Big Cheese.” Let’s brainstorm possible nicknames for Maryland.
- Black-Eyed Susan State. That’s too long for a nickname. And it has a ring of spousal abuse to it.
- The Crab State. That makes it sound like we’re a state overrun with sexually transmitted diseases.
After some research (and I by “research,” I mean Wikipedia—which doesn’t really count as a reliable source), I found that Maryland already has some nicknames.
- The Cockade State? That just doesn’t sound right.
- The Oyster State? We’re obviously sex obsessed over here in Maryland.
- The Free State nickname is interesting. Maryland never passed a law enforcing Prohibition. Because we rock. Or because we’re alcoholics.
- The M-R Ducks State? I’ve lived in Maryland for 28 years of my 29-year life, and Kiefer just explained the “M-R Ducks” things to me last summer.
Apparently (I’ve never heard it), some people in Maryland (not me) say, “Them are ducks,” and it sounds like “M. R. Ducks.” You can read the story here.
::head hung in shame for my fellow Marylanders::
So, yes, I’m from Maryland. And yes, it’s snowing here in my grammar-and pronounciation-challenged, sex-obsessed, alcoholic state.