Tag Archives: You Can Buy My Friendship With Ice Cream

March 27, 2013

It Feels Good to be a Gangsta

By thoughtsappear

Whenever I see other bloggers, we tend to exchange gifts. Usually people give me Pop-Tarts, and I give…booze.

And I don’t do the classy thing and give a nice bottle of wine, I give flavored liquor…in tiny bottles…to carry in your purse and whip out in an emergency.

Why? Because you never know when you’ll need a shot of vodka…to sterilize a zombie bite. Obviously.

Are you following my logic here? Probably not. Just know that on this blog, everything comes down to 3 5 things:

  • Zombies
  • Pop-Tarts
  • Dessert
  • Key Lime Pie Martinis
  • Gifts for Me

Anyways…last weekend was all about Pop-Tarts and Gifts for Me.

pop-tarts

Misty made me homemade Fig and Bacon Pop-Tarts.

I was so impressed with the homemadeness I blocked out the bacon part. You see…

Confession #1: I don’t really like bacon.

GASP! There are only 2 exceptions.

  1. The first is the bacon that’s crumbled up on salads that’s covered in so much brown-sugary-maple goodness that all you taste is sugar.
  2. The second is this:

bacon1

Hesitant Bite #1

bacon2

Need-a-Bigger-Mouth Bite #2

That’s right, Misty. Your Pop-Tart was yummy. I mean that in a undirty, uncreepy way.

But wait…that’s not all. I got even more Pop-Tarts! Some from Misty and more from The Hipster. (Note: I did not give The Hipster booze. I gave her cookies.)

pop-tart1

The Hipster and I also had the 3 Cs this weekend: crab, chocolate, and ice cream. Life is good.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta Pop-Tartsta.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Honestly, if you’re being attacked by a shark, you’re pretty screwed no matter how many heads it has. (Except zero. If a zero headed shark attacks you, you’ll probably be OK.)”—The Cutter Rambles

30 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Food

October 25, 2012

Where in the World Is Carmen San Diego?

By thoughtsappear

I am about to become a real-life Carmen San Diego. Except I won’t be a villain. I’ll just be traveling…a lot. Like a lot-a lot.

I wonder if she’s with Waldo….

Here’s a few of my upcoming trips, so feel free to post suggestions of what I should do while I’m there.

I won’t have a lot of free time, so you should probably just post directions to the best ice cream shops.

Right Now/Week 1: San Antonio

Week 2: Reno

Week 3: The Florida Keys (for vacation, not work)

Week 4: Alabama

Week 5: Exhaustion

Oh wait…so that last one’s not a real place, but you get the idea.

28 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Travel

September 25, 2012

When Everyone Is Pregnant But You

By thoughtsappear

You’ll see pregnant women everywhere two times during your life.

1. When you’re pregnant…but don’t know it yet.

If suddenly every woman you pass on the street is about to burst forth a baby, go buy a pregnancy test because you’re probably pregnant.

I think it has something to do with the increased sense of smell. You can smell out your own kind.

2. After you have a miscarriage.

After a miscarriage, pregnant women will also run rampid. And not just pregnant women, but babies.

It’s the babies that get to me. To date, I’ve broken out into tears upon seeing babies in the grocery store, on the street, and at a restaurant in the middle of dinner.

Here are my solutions to stopping crying. Not just miscarriage crying, but crying in general.

  1. Hugs from Kiefer. But not my Kiefer. Get your own Kiefer.
  2. Kisses from puppies. Like Ozzy. I’m willing to lend out Ozzy…for a small fee.
  3. Pop-Tarts. That’s why they come in a two-pack. One for you, one for me.
  4. Ice Cream. It’ll make you feel better if you share ice cream with a friend me.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “You should keep your eye on her…you DID say she was kind of slutty, and she IS kind of making moves on your man while you’re at work. Or she’s buttering him up for the kill. Either way—pay attention.”—Sugar Dish Me

25 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Life

August 20, 2012

Where the Soup of the Day is Tequila

By thoughtsappear

I know I didn’t post last week, but I have a really good reason. Just give me second….

Oh!

The ear Esme attacked got infected. They had to amputate it. And now I’m destined to spend the rest of my life walking around cupping my hand to my good ear and saying, “Eh?”

Instant Canadian.

Psych! (Yes, I just said, “Psych!”)

My ear is fine. I went to Fort Lauderdale for…

  • Ice cream?
  • Work?
  • Giant margaritas?
  • A blogger meetup?

All of the above are correct. I went for my Special Ops Ninja job (Yes, that’s totally a real job), and while I was down there, I met Lorraine from The Late Party Girls.

She rocks. And she took me to Jaxson’s: Home of the Kitchen Sink Sundae. No, we didn’t get it. They won’t give you that gargantuan-sized sundae unless you’re in a party of 4.

Obviously, they had no idea who they were dealing with because Lorraine and I are semi-anonymous. If only they’d known who we really were, we’d have been the exception.

Not wanting to reveal our secret identities, Lorraine and I settled for two scoops…which ended up being the size of our heads.

Also, while I was in Florida, Ddot and I partook in margaritas….which were also the size of our heads.

Ddot illustrating a hand-to-margarita size ratio.

That should be Fort Lauderdale’s new slogan.

Fort Lauderdale: Where Everything Yummy Is the Size of Your Head.

41 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in Travel

June 7, 2012

Carrot Cake Counts as a Vegetable

By thoughtsappear

This is what happens when you send me to the store for ice cream. Consider yourself warned.

Carrot Cake, Red Velvet Cake, and Triple Chocolate Cake Ice Cream

Ice cream wasn’t enough for me. I needed cake and ice cream. (In addition to ice cream, I also came home with giant star-shaped marshmallows because, you know…giant star marshmallows!)

Why are you looking at me like that? The carrot cake ice cream counts as a vegetable.

Narrowing it down to 3 flavors was difficult because there was also Butterscotch Krimpet ice cream. But don’t worry. I’m going back to get it this weekend.

In case you were wondering, the triple chocolate cake flavor was my favorite. You probably knew that.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I just read that men prefer the scent of vanilla over perfume. So I could have used vanilla extract instead of spending $ on expensive perfume all these years? Muuuuuuther….”—NanaBread

58 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Food

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